time to smoke my breakfast
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
