Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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