Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize