From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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