I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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