You're my little dorito
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
