you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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