I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
