wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
