I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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