Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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