I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
