Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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