im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
