My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
