Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
