Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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