the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
