legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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