I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
