Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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