You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
