im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
