what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
