No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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