talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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