if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
