dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
