I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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