I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
