Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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