I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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