You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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