Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
its not stalking. its research.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have aggressive nipples.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
