Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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