I need to stop coming to work sober
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
