i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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