that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
