I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
