he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
