whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
