I want to walk on stilts...naked
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
