I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
