Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
