She announced her abortion via fbk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
