He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
