??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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