But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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