Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I deserve this hangover.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
