feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
