Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
