You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
