I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i out mim tonsoeep
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
