Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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