yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
