Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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