Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
