I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
