Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
