somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
