we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We got so high we made milksteak
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You made out with two different species that night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
