She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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