It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
