I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We're too hungover to prance.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
