that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
