i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
