You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
