imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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