I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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