I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
