Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
