Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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