Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
