Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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