why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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