So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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