this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
