the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
